I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
