I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
