I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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