He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
