Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
