I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
