So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
