please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize