There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is Oprah even human
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
