So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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