There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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