i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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