I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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