I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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