wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
