so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
