watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
