This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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