Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
