i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
