I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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