my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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