i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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