I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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