you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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