y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
