my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize