Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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