Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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