Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
