His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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