yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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