i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
