so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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