I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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