Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
