I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
