i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
