For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
