i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
