oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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