I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
