There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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