i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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