I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my poor anus
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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