Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
