My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we're making bets on your personal life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
