There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
