I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
