I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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