Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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