you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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