i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
