You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
