im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
