Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
