Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
