I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
