Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
