I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
