Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
