You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
