: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
