My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
