Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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