Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
