I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
