how can u be prego again
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
