I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
