I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
PANTIES FOUND
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