Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
