I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
