This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
