the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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