No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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