Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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