Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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