I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
