Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
